I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
