What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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