Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
do herpes really smell.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
