There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
