did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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