There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize