you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
