Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize