Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
