i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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