so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
