Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
