fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
