I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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