I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
