Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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