i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
