Non-Jews are for practice
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
