The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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