Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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