Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
