my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
