are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
