I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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