I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize