Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize