Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
