Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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