operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
