Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize