the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
COCAINE IS GR8
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
