Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
