im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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