Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
