I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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