And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i came on her dog
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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