I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
