i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
