I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
