watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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