the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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