you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
