As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
