Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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