you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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