Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
