so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
