Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
