she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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