Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
