i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
