I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
