he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
