i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
