I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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