I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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