3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
