so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
