In the future we'll all be gay
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize