If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
