so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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