we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
