his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
organizing the empties. That sober.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
