dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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