I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
