Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
