The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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